Module 1 – Accessing social support in your role as a parent

Parents and families benefit from having a group of people around them who care for and support them. This support is often called social support. These people may include family members, friends, other parents of children with delays, or other community members. There is no set amount of ‘recommended social support’ but rather what is important is how satisfied you are with the social support you receive.

Social support includes (Dunst & Trivette, 1988):

• Emotional (e.g. someone to talk to)
• Child (e.g. someone who interacts with and accepts your child)
• Financial (e.g. someone who lends you money)
• Instrumental (e.g. someone who does household chores)
• Agency (e.g. someone who obtains services for your child)

The quality of social support is a strong predictor of parent-related stress. So, if you don’t already have a group of people who support you and your child, developing these connections can be an important step to improving your parenting well-being.

Step 1. Identify your current situation

It can be helpful to think about whether you are satisfied with the amount and quality of social support you have available and if this is an area you might like to improve. Take this survey developed by Dunst and Trivette (1988) to help you understand the quality of your current social supports.

Please select the response that best describes your needs. Please answer all the questions.

If you feel distressed thinking and reading about this topic, talk to your GP or health professional. You can also call Lifeline on 131 114.

Step 2. Identify your ideal situation, or your goal

Your responses to the questions above can help you to identify where you might need more social support.

What were the areas that you rated as needing this social support ‘quite often’, ‘often’, or ‘sometimes’?

[Emotional support, child support, financial support, instrumental support, agency support]

Choose one of these areas of social support, where you say you currently have unmet needs, to focus on improving. Remember, here is what the different types of support mean:

• Emotional support (e.g. someone to talk to)
• Child support (e.g. someone who interacts with and accepts your child)
• Financial support (e.g. someone who lends you money)
• Instrumental support (e.g. someone who does household chores)
• Agency support (e.g. someone who obtains services for your child)

Step 3. Identify one small action you could take to help reach your goal

In this step you will be asked to plan to conduct one small action you could take to achieve this goal. To help decide what this action will involve, here are some tips to improve your access to social support in your role as a parent.

Connecting with other parents

One of the most helpful sources of information and support comes from other parents who have had similar experiences. Here, we list websites that may be helpful in connecting you with other parents and carers who have a child with a delay.

www.mytime.net.au

MyTime groups are for parents, carers or grandparents of children with disability or chronic medical conditions. The groups meet to socialise, discuss and learn more about the services and supports in their area. The groups are facilitated by professionals with disability and parenting expertise.

https://www.peerconnect.org.au

Peer Connect helps you join a network that’s close to where you live, one with people who live with similar disability, one with people who share a specific interest or identity, or a network that only meets on the internet.

https://kindred.org.au/peer-connect/

Kindred Connect provides a session with a Peer Support Specialist (with lived experience) to help you connect with other parents, and connect with information and supports. Currently this service is only available in New South Wales.

https://www.kindship.com.au/

A free app in the app store, Kindship is a social networking app for parents raising children with disabilities, delays, and neurodiversity to connect.

While the websites and apps above specialise in connecting parents of children with delays, it is important to remember that your child is a child first and your family and child will have a lot in common with children without delays. Many parenting experiences and questions are the same regardless of whether a child has a delay. Therefore, reach out to other parenting groups in the community such as playgroups https://playgroupaustralia.org.au/our-state-organisations/ ,or through your local community directory.

If you would like more information and support about building social connections, visit https://skills.carergateway.gov.au/ and check out Carer Skills 5: Social Connection

Building your confidence to connect with other parents

The idea of walking into a room full of new people can be daunting. This is especially the case for parents of young children who may have spent a lot of time in their caring role at home. So, it is very common to feel nervous or uncomfortable, or question if you have the right social skills or confidence to achieve this. It might be helpful to:

• Before you go, think about what you might say to greet and start conversation
• Before you go, think about how you can show other people you are listening
• Before you go, practise these interactions with someone you feel comfortable with
• When you are there you might want to start talking to one person individually
• Try an online group, as this can be less daunting than face to face
• Remember, it doesn’t have to be a perfect interaction. At times, you might feel uncomfortable but keep trying and this feeling will go away over time
• Remember, others will feel the same way

Accessing practical and financial support

Connecting with other parents can provide a great source of emotional support. Families also need practical and financial support. This might include having someone help to take care of children or funds to pay for services you need. Here, we list websites that may help you access these supports.

https://www.carergateway.gov.au

This Australian Government website has information about services and support for carers including respite care and government financial support.

https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

Carers Australia represents people who look after someone with disability or chronic illness, or an elderly person. The website provides information about Disability and NDIS, financial support, and mainstream and community supports.

Disability Gateway

The Disability Gateway has information and services to help people with disability, their family, friends and carers, to find the support they need in Australia.

While it is helpful to reach out and find new supports, it is also helpful to think about the people you already have in your life and how they might be able to help you. Quite often, people are happy to help if they know what kind of help you need.

Make a list of the family, friends and other connections you already have. Think about their strengths and availability, and what tasks they might be able to help you with. For example, a grandparent who has a close relationship with your child, drives and lives nearby might be happy to transport your child to a weekly activity if you make this specific request. Your neighbour who currently mows their front lawn might be happy to also mow your front lawn if you were to ask.

Like most relationships, they are more positive and last longer when they are reciprocal. Families do well when they can help each other. For example, you might love to bake and your neighbour just loves your chocolate slice, so when you ask if they would mind mowing your front lawn you could offer a weekly chocolate slice in return.

Finally, if you are able to access government financial support as explained in the websites above, paid help such as transport and domestic help can make a big difference.

Building your confidence to communicate about your needs

It can be hard to reach out and ask for help. How you do this will be different depending on your relationship with the person, and how you are communicating, for example on the phone or in person. Many requests for assistance from organisations are now often processed through the internet. It might be helpful to:

• Write down the details of yourself and your child before the conversation. Sometimes if you are nervous talking to an organisation representative even these simple details can escape you
• Beforehand, write down what you want to say, and what you want to achieve in the conversation
• Actively listen to the person you are talking with so you can respond appropriately
• If meeting in person, think about your body language so you can communicate clearly and positively
• Write down the key points from the conversation such as decisions or next steps so you can refer to these later

If you would like more information and support about effective communication, visit https://skills.carergateway.gov.au/ and check out Carer Skills 2: Effective Communication Techniques

Now it is time to plan your first small action. Look at the example provided, and then write your own

To see if your access to social support has improved, please select the response that best describes your needs. Please answer all the questions.

If you feel distressed thinking and reading about this topic, talk to your GP or health professional. You can also call Lifeline on 131 114.

Step 6. Repeat

Repeat steps 1 to 5 as many times as you like to continue to improve this aspect.

References

Dunst, C. J., & Trivette, C. M. (1988). Support Functions Scale. In C. J. Dunst, C. M. Trivette, & A. G. Deal (Eds.), Enabling and empowering families: Principles and guidelines for practice (pp. 143–146). Cambridge, MA: Brookline Books.

Hauser-Cram, P., Warfield, M. E., Shonkoff, J. P., Krauss, M. W., Sayer, A. & Upshur, C. C. (2003).  Children with disabilities: A longitudinal study of child development and parent well-being.  Monographs of the Society for Research in Children, 66(3), 115-126.

McGill Smith, P. (2003). You Are Not Alone: For Parents When They Learn Their Child Has a Disability, Parenting a Child with Special Needs (3rd ed). National Information Center for Children and Youth with Disabilities. Washington DC.